all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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