Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
