It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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