people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
