also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
