Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
