My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
