You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
