he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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