Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize