i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just cut my nipple shaving
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
