I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
