So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
