non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
