Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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