I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
