there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
