does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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