come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just tell him i said nine months
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
