I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
