yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
