you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize