too bad you live with your parents still
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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