oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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