are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
