I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
