I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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