She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
