he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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