Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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