Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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