She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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