I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
