In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
