is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
