Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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