I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
