i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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