I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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