I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
