textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
