Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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