Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
