dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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