Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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