my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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