It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
