I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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