i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize