I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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