I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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