just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
