If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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