Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
