You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
