peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
