I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The air taste purple.
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