at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
