I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
