Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
