Soap is not a condiment
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
