i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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