We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
