It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
