hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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