Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
