you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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