My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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