i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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