oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
