There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize