??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
