I want to have your abortion
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
