Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
