I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
