For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
