You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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