I think I died a long time ago.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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