I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
