Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
