I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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