She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
