I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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