I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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