Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
