I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
