vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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