I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
