I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
