My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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