I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize