he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
