I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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