If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
