my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
