I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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